guff

Monkeys writing online erotica

Those who’ve been reading my bloggish ravings from the beginning, or nearly so, may have noticed a manic habit I have for occasionally and spontaneously jumping into online fiction writing projects I’ve neither the time nor even a demonstrable talent for. Whether month-long smack downs that force me into hiding to protect what little of my sanity remains, or naïve group hugs producing less creative output than keyboard flagellation, for some inexplicable reason they attract me like a moth to a big ole freakin’ flame.

Yep, I’ve done fluttered into the fire again.

You see back in late April, Andy over at World Wide Rant mentioned a recurring itch he decided to scratch at once more. First time through I missed the opportunity. This time…well, you’re reading this, aren’t you? So it’s CW:GE II (The Final Showdown), or whatever we’re calling it. It doesn’t really need a name. Just some time to write. And a little extra cash for the new keyboard I’ll require after smashing this one into the wall.

The basic elements of this…whatever it is are so: Andy asked the participants (9 including himself–though it’s possible at least 2, and as many as 4, are infiltrators and we just don’t know it) to submit the following:

• Character A
• Character B
• A Situation
• A Location
• Opening Line

The assumption here is one gives name and short description of Character A & B, a starting point for the story, and so on. Here was my submission:

• Character A: Bill Mack
  A tall, mysterious stranger who speaks slowly, but always to the point. He’s just “driving through”, though it’s hard to tell since he doesn’t seem to be driving anything.
• Character B: Mary Magdalene Steinberg
  A short, beautiful Jew for Jesus. She’s a recent convert to the “correct faith”, changing her name to make the point. She works the register at Route67 Mart full-time, but just to “save up enough to get the heck out of here”.
• A Situation:
  A rainstorm of near Biblical proportions has kept business away from the Route67 Mart, to the point of having Mary Magdalene (M&M to her friends) close up the store. That is until Bill enters, drenched and wearing a Stetson, a belt buckle in the shape of a Cadillac, snake skin boots, and a t-shirt that says “Elephants do it however they want”.
• A Location:
  Route67 Mart, a one gas pump and convenience store that’s seen better days. It sits along Route 67 in Alabama, of which neither M&M nor Bill are from.
• Opening Line:
  Mary Magdalene had been watching from the early morning as the storm’s waters streamed past the smeared Plexiglas store front, the only accompanying sound a pounding of metallic raindrops on the tin roof above, when her mind finally closed on a Biblical quote: “Higher and higher above the earth rose the waters, until the highest mountains everywhere were submerged;” and though in the here and now little but the curbing along Route 67 appeared inundated, she figured: just give it time.

I much prefer the original version of this opening line, which was rejected for being more than a sentence long. Bastard. If you want to see it, let me know. It’s almost Thurber good.

So, we 9 provided our ingredients, which were then mixed in a special Shake ‘n Plot bag of Andy’s devising, then simmered on low until golden brown (which I believe took about 12 hours–hey, cooking plots takes time). Then he poured the correct amount of portions on each of our plates; we’re just waiting for someone to bite into it, to see if it’s palatable.

Actually, we’re now writing something around our assigned elements, with a goal of finishing up before Monday. Here’s what I’m feasting on:

• Character A:
  Joey, a super-intelligent golden retriever, and the result of a genetic experiment gone awry. Joey thinks, feels and acts like a human, but still ages like a dog: seven years to our one.
• Character B:
  Epiphany: 22, pampered daughter of a dysfunctional but indulgent family, heavily into New Age movement, majorly tattooed and pierced, working as an artist in Sedona AZ (she has talent but hasn’t found a voice)
• The Situation:
  [Character B] sleeps with a man she accidently falls in love with, a man who is not her husband and father of her baby, and she seeks for her friend [Character A] to help her “undo” the day before yesterday.
• The Location:
  A subway
• Opening Line:
  “So, ” [Character B] said, “you were wrong. Women don’t have teeth down there. Just sticky gums.”

You know you’re the lucky one when you have to write about a character getting relationship help (through possible reverse temporal means) from a super-intelligent dog in Sedona, AZ. As far as I can tell, there aren’t any trains, let alone a subway in Sedona! Well, no one said it was going to be easy. No one said that, right everyone? I wish someone had, as I may need an out.

I only have one real, actual problem at this moment. Well, other than the problem of having spent more words on this post about writing the story than I’ve actually used in the story itself. The “real” problem is I’ve written about 800 words for what I’m calling Consequences No More, but a slight change to the beginning (just after that pokey line!) caused me to decide to dump nearly 700 of them.

Not only is being a moth in a world full of candles no fun, it’s also a bitch when dealing with my internal editor. Like they say, you can’t go back to the cocoon again.