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In the Nom…

A name like Kafkaesquí isn’t really all bad. For starters, it’s unique. One doesn’t have to try all that hard to stand out when you’re waving such an eye-catching flag. Gaudy, sure; but eye-catchingly gaudy.

And it makes me easy to find. Try that, Bob. (I know, Phil. I know. But I’m ALWAYS #1.)

I do enjoy correcting those new to saying it aloud. It’s the schoolmarmish part of me, I guess. So if you happen to be one of them, here is a pronunciation key:

Kaf

Think coffin instead of kaftan, though I’m fine with the latter. Years spent with New Englanders on words like ‘car’ and ‘yard’ has destroyed not only my sensitivity to the letter R, but to those deep, guttural A’s.

ka

Try to ignore the impetus to mimic a crow on this one. Instead, go for a ‘kay’, but like in kayak, not Kayman Islands.

es

Yes, this is an easy one.

quí

Just a simple key. No more, no less, though if you want to put a little flavor into to it, I’m always up for some quiche

Emphasis is placed on the first and third syllables. There, you are now an adept. I can teach you no more, grasshopper. Except that after learning all this, you’re probably better off calling me Kaf. The simple path is usually the best one.