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To: Marybeth@ShopAmericaNetwork

From: Kafkaesqu{{ Oseo
To: Marybeth@ShopAmericaNetwork
Cc: guff
Subject: RE: Information Request

Marybeth,

Although I’m unaware of your operation and have not contacted you previously, I was heartened to see an interest from you in featuring my product on your network. And I appreciate how you refrained from using the name of my product in your unexpected solicitation. My concerns over security are high at this time, as you apparently understand.

Though your sales and marketing resources used to promote and sell my product will finally provide the venue it deserves, I feel it wise to first request some information from you. Know this is merely to put my mind at ease that the sales staff and other employees of the Shop America Network (America’s Leading Shopping Network) perceive how essential I believe my product will be to all of humanity, and parts of Ohio.

Take your time in formulating responses to these questions, as your answers will be far more important than you can possibly understand. No, really.

Question 1: If you had my product in your hands right now, how would it make you feel? Would you prefer to feel this way all the time?

Question 2: Imagine yourself in a boat floating down a river embroiled in rapids. Suddenly your boat capsizes and you are dashed against the rocks, helpless and exposed. Would my product be the best thing to have right then? If yes, how is it better than a life jacket or rescue party?

Question 3: A tree falls in the woods, but no one is around. Due to the effect of the falling tree, my product begins to vibrate at a frequency of 256Hz. Would you hear it?

Question 4: I place my product at the bottom of a deep well for a period of forty-five days. When the forty-five days are up I remove my product from the well and hermetically seal it in a steel container with sides six inches thick. I then bury the container one-hundred and fourteen feet beneath the ground for a period of not less than ninety-six thousand and two years. Through a miraculous turn of fate I have been frozen, and the people of that future time revive me moments before the container is unearthed. Now, will I find my product perfectly preserved for freshness sake?

Question 5: How much should we sell it for?

Thank you in advance, and remember: buy wholesale, buy in bulk!

Sincerely,
Kafkaesquí Oseo
President, CEO, Janitor
My Product Corp, LLC