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THIS JUST IN

According to U.S. intelligence reports, Iraq could be planning an attack on the American public through the use of humanoid robots. Senior U.S. officials say they’re worried that these robots, or “terminators,” have already, or could soon, walk or swim into the United States and be used in an attack, although there is no proof that this has happened, or even if they haven’t just made it all up to scare us into war.

Officials claim there is solid intelligence that Iraq has tested different types of terminators, including highly advanced ones which they say are able to alter or ‘morph’ their appearance into anyone they come into contact with. However, an unnamed anti-American official states this is “all quite ludicrous.”

President Bush sort of addressed this new threat, almost making yet another of his cases outlining Iraq’s defiance.

We’ve also discovered through intelligence that Iraq has a growing fleet of autonomous androids that could be used to fire high-powered weaponry into crowds of women and children at the mall or hiding in anthrax-proof bunkers, Bush is suspected to have said in private to a few close friends. “We’re concerned that Iraq is exploring ways of using these terminators for missions targeting the United States.”

The president is believed to have noted, however, that sophisticated science fiction systems aren’t required for an attack. “All that might be required are a gun and one terrorist or Iraqi intelligence operative to get the job done,” he probably said.