The following is my generic hate letter template
I created it for when I’m so pissed off I can’t write straight, but still need to send something off before my ire subsides. I now share it with you on the oft chance you suffer from similar bouts of uncontrollable conniptions:
To [THE ONE I HATE],
I hate you. I hate you. Oh, how I do so hate you.
My hate is pure. My hate is fierce. My hate is effervescent. I’m unable to explain why it fits this last adjective, but it does. I cannot deny how truly bubbly and nose-tingling my hate for you is. It is a well-shaken soda bottle of hate which resides in me.
If my hate had weight, it could be mistaken for a sumo wrestler. If my hate had sex, it would be the town slut. A true nymphomaniac Japanese wrestling giant; that’s my hate.
I hope by now it’s become obvious how large and unwieldy my hate for you is. In fact, it’s of such vast size as to be practically immeasurable. Or in other words, it is of measurable dimensions, but so big, so cumbersome that the time and effort required to measure it far exceeds the limits of my life.
In conclusion, this will probably be my only hate letter to you. I may write again, but fortunately my hate is very short-lived. It’s probably all the weight.
Kindest regards,
[YOUR NAME HERE]
Author: Kaf Oseo
Categories: Ancient Guff · Correspondence
Comments: (5) · Leave a comment · Comments RSS2 · Trackback URL
RE: your hate letter. I am requesting permission to use your hate letter. I will alter it by changing the word hate to “love”. I will send it to my wife. Hate is generally such a bad word. In your usage, it my have been justified. In my efforts to exemplify diplomacy to my children, I have made some changes in the way I express hate. For example, When asked how I like Ignacio O’Higgins, in the past I would say “I hate the son of a bitch”. Now my reply is “Our friendship failed to materialize due to a lack of shared values”.
Hey, I used your template. I sent it to a bitch I hate but don’t really care enough about to be creative on my own. Thanks, it was really nice to be able to have someone else do the dirty work.
Jen
Hey dude!! I love this template so much!! It inspired me to write a [very] over run, yet well deserved letter :] and i feel fabulous… because i know the recipient wont be [hope anyway] .. GENIUS!! ..would you like a copy of mine?! Its more a letter of ‘This is how much i f***ing dislike you’ x Peace N Love x
I love this it helped me so much this boy broke my heart and then wanted me back so i gave him this letter and it made him flip .. He still thinks i hate him to this day..
very nice generic hate letter. i would like to send this to my husband who never appreciates me, doesn’t adore me, and doesn’t respect me. but maybe i’ll just make my own personalized letter. but i’ll use some of your sentences