guff

Tengent

One - I wonder how many people throughout history during the whole of their lives purposely refused to learn to tie their own shoes, and not just due to the bulk of ancestral footwear being of the loafer variety, thereby requiring no laces. I don’t think our forefathers were less sluggish, only that they were lazy about different things. How times change.

Two - Animal tracks were an amazing thing to me when I was a kid. I remember drawing cougar footprints over and over when I really should have been figuring out what the Council of Trent was all about. Not to worry, as I’ve rarely needed a strong background in ecumenical politics. Sadly, I’ve never required the ability to recognize cougar tracks, either.

Three - Of all the planets of the solar system, my least favorite would have to be Mercury. Not for any particularly scientific reason, though I’m sure if I dug a bit I could come up with one in that area. Really it’s because all the science fiction stories set on it which I’ve read were pretty dismal works.

Four - My “blink of an eye” literature rating system aimed at several sci-fi authors: Arthur Clarke = brain candy maker; Isaac Asimov = too into it; Robert Heinlein = ego-retentive; Philip Dick = good and cracked; Harlan Ellison = damnable scamp; Kurt Vonnegut = denies genre (give it up!)

Five - And here’s my five sentence summary of everything Kurt Vonnegut wrote over the past forty years (give or take a theme): “I’m getting old. Life can sure suck (not that I’d suggest doing something about it, because I’m not going to). Kindness is a peculiar kind of ness. Did I mention I’m quite old? Po-tee-weet.”

Six - You know the Great American novel every would be American writer has hidden at the bottom of a dresser drawer? I’m here to tell you that A. it’s actually more of a Moderately Good novel, if at all, B. it’s not kept in a drawer anymore, what with the computer and whatnot, and C. it’s now a non-fiction tell-all disguised as a novel.

Seven - Today there’s no more than an eight-week gestation period between any great historic occurrence of our times and the first attempt to make money off it hits bookstore shelves. In fact, the event doesn’t have to be all that great, just on TV a large percentage of the time in those weeks. Isn’t the technology of modern publishing simply amazing?

Eight - When animal-propelled modes of travel were supplanted by the automobile, and hence went the way of the… horse and buggy, it happened within a regular downward trend. That’s what was supposed to happen to movie theaters when VCR’s hit the market, yet it seems there are more new theaters now than thirty years ago. A bit off kilt for a dying business, wouldn’t you say? At least the audio tape section in music stores is getting smaller every year.

Nine - So the Segway is supposed to, eventually, change the way we get around. Does this mean we’ll get broader sidewalks to accomodate them, or are those of us stuck walking supposed to make yet more way for these things?

Ten - Speaking of which, I need new shoes.