guff

The Everything Rant

I’d like to take this time to complain about something. Problem is, I want to do it about way too much stuff.

Terrorism, religion, government, our society, people in general, my family specifically. Life, death, and all the crap that goes on in between the two; I really am impotent to choose one topic from the myriad elements ticking me off, to one degree or another. I’d very much like to, but my mind reels and pitches at the examination of every possible issue and happening I may be ready to go on about. I look at one, think “this is worthy of a serious taunting,” take a glance at the next, and word the exact same point. This is not the mind set of a full blown Curmudgeon, a title I’ve held for years.

Maybe it’s that I’ve been a bit depressed of late; or perhaps being fitfully unemployed (I need no better reason for a strong attack of the blues) and spending a lot of time concerned about that keeps the moralistic bile at bay. I really can’t say, though these are definitely personal problems which fit into the topic at hand quite well. If there’s something to be discontent enough over to lament its existence, these two will do nicely. So where is the boisterous whine? Why am I unable to moan here in electronic print about how unfair my burdens have become? What a sad, sad little bellyacher I turned out to be.

So in lieu of an adequate target, and in the interest of getting something online, consider this a rant about everything. I’m getting old much too fast these days. I don’t have the time to pick and choose my battles carefully. Instead, I choose them all.

I dislike the weather. Any weather. I loath Java (the programming language not the beverage, though in regards to coffee I can go either way). I’d prefer to see fast food sent the way of the Volkswagen Beetle — which itself should have been completely forgotten and its designs shredded back in 1974. Loafers — the shoes and the habitually idle — are a scourge to our society. Yeah, shoelaces suck, but they’re better than none at all. Aerosol spray cheese is an excellent symbol for product marketing stupidity. So is string cheese. So is any non-traditional cheese shape put to use in selling cheese. I hate SUV’s. I mean I really hate them. If you spend more than ninety-nine percent of your drive time on well-maintained roads, then buy a vehicle built for that purpose. It’s proper driving etiquette. And stop cutting in line, at least when I’m in that line. And speaking of lines, don’t spill your soda in the movie theater anymore. Know how many times I’ve spilled my soda while watching a film? None. I’m hardly spill-proof, I just know the best places not to be an idiot.

Finally but on a much larger bitch front, our consumption of fossil fuels, wanton destruction of the environment, ready finger on every nuclear arsenal, our infinite desire to destroy take out and annihilate, is proof we are nature’s answer to the question “is there intelligent life in the universe?” Don’t bother looking in the back for the answer; it doesn’t count towards our final score. Besides, we’re already receiving a failing grade. I wish it only led to doing the year over.

OK, I’m done. For now. You’d imagine a rant that tries to go off on everything would be a great deal longer. If there’s one thing I have a beef about, it’s my writing endurance. It’ll have to get in line.