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Jobbing for a Job

I am looking for a job. I don’t say this to appeal for offers from the Blurried Musings readership; far from it. I’m just stating it to make it clear how deep into this topic I am. Then again, if you’re hiring…

There’s little about job hunting that actually performs like an armed pursuit by the job seeker. First, and naturally enough, there’s rarely a firearm involved. That’s certainly a good thing from an interviewer’s point of view. Second, the person on a hunt is not the one in control. It’s the potential employer that’s involved in the power and fun of aiming up a sight. I’m of a mind to start off a campaign to rename the activity employee hunt. The only real strange thing about it all is that this kind of hunt involves an extremely willing game. The phrase “like shooting ducks in a barrel” comes easily to mind.

The demoralizing aspects of a job search are what intrigue me most. (Or do I mean “upset?”) Especially when it comes down to getting ones foot far enough past the company door to reach the interview stage. This is where it can become less a job hunt and more a seriously bad impersonation of the dating process. If women really are concerned that men have no idea what it feels like to wait by the phone for a call that will never come, I guarantee that’s not the case. We do however have trouble making a connection between these two experiences, and then learning from them. But I digress.

Having been on both sides of the work begging desk, I can often read what’s going on in an interviewer’s mind. This is not as good a thing as it may sound; certainly not when an interview happens to be far to the south of “going well”. And it makes the business of being interviewed a more excrutiating chore, as you end up spending valuable thinking trying to deduce why they’re directing their questions in a certain direction. It’s bad enough traveling through the maze of an interview without the additional burden of guessing what the architect was thinking when laying down the floor plan. But I’ll admit there is some slight advantage to having a clue to how a questioner’s internal gears are working — at least for those who are substantively there with you. It’s always a great confidence booster when you realize someone has turned on the auto-pilot to take a virtual hiking trip in their head. When that happens, better to flip over the sign for the next in line, and be done with it.

If the act of talking your way in wasn’t enough of an anxiety-inducer, job seeking offers up other various land mines you have to learn how to circumvent. It’s quite normal nowadays to require several versions of your resume, each seeking, based on the position or company you’re applying for, to show a different light on your short list of strengths while sheltering your numerous weaknesses. I’ve had to pass along more than one translation of my work history to different departments within the same company. It ends up a bit parodic when you’re placing sticky notes on your resume that specify who needs to see which resume (and presumedly, who shouldn’t).

I won’t even bother with the humiliation of collecting unemployment benefits, or the difficulty of marching through the quagmire of the jacked-in, online component to modern day employment procurement. At least, not this time around. Not because it’s a lot to take in, but because my depression tank is now full.