guff

Nom De Net

Unlike almost anywhere else or with any previous technology, on the Internet we can pretend to be whatever we want to be, simply by slipping out of the persona we normally put forth, and slipping into an even more made up one. This, however, is rarely as good a thing as one might imagine. (It’s not all bad, but when complaining you’ve got to start somewhere.)

Log on to any bulletin board and you find the usual assortment of Tom, Dick, and Harriet, but mainly you’ve stumbled across an endless prattle emerging from the keyboards of d00d, Pippy, Elderberrium, MaDmAn001, and good QueenTut. And who’s to say Tom and Harriet are so legally designated once they step away from their connection? (And maybe even Dick, but then who would pretend that?) On the Internet a given name with a relationship to a birth record is not unusual, but most of the people portrayed behind them are no more than a molecule thick.

It’s about the casual masquerade, the vaguely cunning falsehood covering ones truer identity (assumedly) and tracks (hopefully), well protected from those wishing to avoid the nuisance of taking a closer look (which are legion). We are unknowns while online, formless in more ways than form, occasionally even to ourselves. Are we unable to get on stage and perform the real life version of ourselves? The answer I’m looking for is No. Like computerized shadow hand puppets, we scrunch up all bird-like; then there’s a tiny shift of digits and instantly we’re playing the rabbit. The choice of displaying our own profile in the light is passed over without a pause, because we’d rather poke our eyes out than show up as-is.

Our concealment goes further than personal encounters and grammatically-challenged usernames. Want to turn your cheesy one-man entrepreneurial undertaking into the appearance of a vast, multi-national, and well funded operation? No problem. How easy is it? Extremely, thank you very much. What’s required is a memorable URL, a fax number, and tons of self-promoting Web copy drooling over the fantastic things you do, written to generate buzz where no self-respecting bee would ever venture.

Tired of all the spam sent to your e-mail, even though you signed up for it? Delete the account and pick up a new one. It’s perfectly acceptable to scrap what you’ve done and who you’ve become so far and start over. Looking to throw dirty rags on your competitor? Register acmeballbearingsbitethebigone.com, set up a quick and dirty Web site behind it, and let things take their expected course. Your online self will be no worse off for the muckraking. We couldn’t be modern technological sorts without doing things this way.

To find the man behind the curtain all we need do is walk around, but we hate doing that. We’re too much the Believer. We enjoy being taken in by the good sell. Give us plenty of tricks without the explanations on how you work them out and we’re good to go, because we expect the same in return. A mix of cultural demands forces us to play the game the way we play it, but mainly we’ve become comfortable with life in a throw-away society. It’s the uncomplicated path, so naturally it’s better to toss aside one virtual identity when it isn’t working out and pick up another. They sell in six-packs!

I too find it useful to hide behind the anonymizing effects of the Internet, so I’m not in line for it’s removal. But I’ve learned a surprisingly less difficult and more effective way than playing it easy, and it’s found in an old adage: “hide in plain site”. However, this doesn’t make up for having a forgettable URL. It’s all about being anonymous, not invisible.