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Evil Genius Business Tactics for Destroying the World

Stockpile the Tools to Your Success

Nuclear is certainly the weapon of choice for the Evil Genius of sophistication — few have the money and brain trust available for building space-borne killer beam platforms or other exotic world menacing devices. For atomics, we’re talking in the range of at least two to three thousand high-yield explosives. The Earth is a pretty big place, and it’ll take quite a lot to spoil it for everybody. If you’re an Evil Genius on a budget, then high-jacking a selection of arsenals is your best route. Needless to say this is the part of the plan you may encounter the most difficulty executing. If you’re without a large army of henchmen, think outside the box when organizing ways to gain entry to nuclear facilities, military compounds, etc. A small contingent of sexy but powerful android women can sway even the most loyal of male patriots into revealing launch codes, providing access to missile silos or plutonium storage facilities, and so on.

Remove Potential Obstacles

In other words, kill Mr. Bond. Her Royal Majesty’s best agent is still dashing and someone you need be concerned about, but this guy has to be 87 years of age by now. How hard is it really to take out an elderly man? Don’t go bothering with some elaborate contraption to eliminate him. You’ve already proven you’re a brilliant mastermind by setting up the rest of the planet for immediate extinction, so no reason to get fancy here. And it’s highly recommended to stick around and supervise until the job is finished. You’re about to take out most life forms on Earth and you get squeamish watching a secret agent kick it?

Avoid the Obvious

In case the likes of Bond or some other inventive, high-level sleuth is able to infiltrate your base of operations, stay away from the sort of blatant visual cues in your control panels that may aid them, such as big red buttons sporting captions like “Abort Launch” or “Self Destruct”. In fact, you probably should avoid these types of features altogether, or disable them if they came with the controls when you bought them. If you truly have some need to keep them, think about removing all the control labels, and put some effort into training so your flunkies know what switch does what.

Prepare a Way Out In Case of Failure

Unless you’re an Evil Genius only looking for attention, the last thing you want is to be caught if something goes wrong. An underground transit system unknown to all but yourself is an excellent (as well as comfortable) way to exit from a tight spot. A similar option is to have a small rocket car nearby and always at the ready. Fast acting nerve gas hooked into the ventilation system throughout your lair or fortress — with activation switch and a well-tested gas mask on your person at all times — is a highly regarded, inexpensive answer, and can also insure the less zealous of your minions keep in check. Simple but well thought out precautions are all you need to assure your survival for future attempts in the case of a single plan’s derailment.

Make Sure Your Goals Are Adequate to Your Needs

Anyone bent on the wiping out all other life on Earth is typically after something a little more than that, whether an opportunity to repopulate the world in their likeness by breeding with a group of protectively sequestered young women, or just seeking after a bit of peace and quiet. But whatever the reason, make sure it’s what you really want. Afterall, once successful in destroying the world, there is no going back.